|1978 Lisa Weseman is born in Jacksonville, Florida. When introduced to her older sister and brothers, she brings them a Barbie doll and hot wheels, cementing her status as coolest baby ever.1982 Loves first day of kindergarten, thinking it’s a one-time thing. Cries for a week when she realizes she has to go back every single day for the rest of her life.
1986 Out sick the entire week the class learns the 9s on the multiplication table, ensuring she will never be able to pursue a career math or sciences. The same year, she writes a short story featuring a canine detective and the 6-syllable word “inconspicuously.” It earns second place in a school contest.
1987 Publishes her first book, “Lityha’s Adventure” in Mrs. Jones’s fourth grade book club. Reviews are mixed, particularly from her best friend Nithya, who finds the main character’s name oddly familiar.
1990 Begins submitting homework assignments under her first pseudonym, “Leysa Weseman. “ Parents refuse to react and the name is quickly dropped.
1994 Joins the high school yearbook staff and is overwhelmed by her first taste of power. Makes morally dubious choices in writing yearbook captions that will haunt her most of her adult life.
1995 Enters a speech contest on the “Person Who Most Influenced My Education” and writes about herself. Inexplicably wins.
1996 Named Middleburg High School’s “Most Likely to Succeed.” Oblivious to the fact that she will spent the bulk of her twenties eluding the success she was promised.
1999 At the University of Florida, her advanced fiction professor proclaims that only students who earn an “A” should pursue a career in writing. Lisa is given a “B.”
2000 Graduates with High Honors in Television & Film Production. Spurns Hollywood for a job with Delta Air Lines as a flight attendant. Lasts three months.
2001 Moves to Los Angeles and begins a series of assistant jobs for entertainment lawyers and creative executives. Tasks include answering phones, filing, and completing boss’s son’s homework. Names herself “World’s Worst Assistant” and no one begs to differ.
2004 Lands first full-time editorial gig, writing a dating advice column for a video game network’s website. Number of gamers losing their virginity skyrockets.
2005 Freelances for a psychic website, writing self-improvement articles. Develops ability to predict assignments before editor makes them.
2007 Marries director Lex Sadasivan. Does cartwheel in wedding gown.
2011 Writes and produces short film “SOLO” with Lex. Marriage survives.